Ice Chip #66

Shopaholic Support Group offers interesting help.

I recently had a conversation with a neighbor of mine about her shopping addiction.  She is very candid about her condition and I appreciate having her permission to write about this issue.

Our townhouses are adjacent and we had a yard sale over the weekend. I noticed she had several items that were still “new with tags”, and still wrapped in their cellophane.   Multiple pairs of shoes were available.  I noticed she had 4 pairs of Z-coil tennis shoes in the yard sale stuff.  They are fairly expensive at the initial purchase.

A couple of days before the sale, I was retrieving my mail from the centralized mailboxes in the subdivision and she was getting hers as well.  We spoke for a few minutes about the upcoming yard sale and she commented on a book she received in the mail that day.  Opening the envelope, she commented, “Oh, it’s my book from my support group on my shopping addiction.”

I was curious about how she was doing with it, and she said she had just started her support group on line.  “I hope the book and group helps.  I need it.”

Fast forward to the yard sale.

During one of the slow times, she noticed a settee we had for sale.  She asked the price and her reaction suggested it was more than in her price range; and she really wanted it.

“I like to shop because it makes me happy” she had commented earlier.  Yet after bringing the items home, they sometimes go unused.  Hence one aspect of a shopping addiction.

Here is the lesson from a Remember the Ice perspective.

As we were midway through the sale, she commented again, “I really would like to buy that settee.”  Then a pause.  “But I really don’t need it.”

That was the help the support group was offering.  They tell me to just say

“I don’t need that.”

Hmmmm.  Interesting advice.

I shared the story behind Remember the Ice and shared that that statement actually translated to:  “But I really need it.”

My first suggestion was to re-frame it to: “I can live without it (the settee)”. Then I thought of this re-framed message:  “I choose to live without that (settee)”.

Her response and smile suggested she liked the new way of thinking about her situation.

Helping her focus on eradicating her “shoulds” in her self talk will go a long way to help her cope with her desires to shop, and beat herself up for doing so.

Making this simple shift in word choice is just the beginning of her work.  She will do well to embrace the mantra:  Repetition is the mother of skill. And remind her, over and over, that she can “choose to live without that.”

Thank you to my neighbor for sharing her situation, and allowing me to comment on it.

Have an empowering week, and if there is something you think you “don’t need”, remember, "you can do without it if you choose."

Best regards,

Bob

Ice Chip #65

Taking time to reflect on things....

This past Thursday evening I had the privilege of sharing my passion for empowering word choice in a live event here in Anchorage.  Thank you so much to those of you who were able to attend.  Your warm welcome, attentiveness for 2 hours and responsiveness during the presentation made for a personally rewarding experience.

As I wrapped up the presentation, I found myself welling up with emotion and was told that  it was visible, and appreciated by my audience of 70.  What an honor to be able to reach out and connect with so many at once with a passionate message of "Doing the Next Right Thing."

Over the weekend, I delivered a 60 minute Webinar for my dear friend Kiran Ajwani in Mumbai, India.  I met Kiran two years ago at the KL08 BNI International Conference in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.  We developed a friendship, and I was honored to receive his invitation to be his keynote speaker at the dedication of his new offices for his company:  Innoesis Business Management.  Congratulations Kiran on your new office.  It was a privilege to share Remember the Ice with your guests.  I have already received some communication from a couple of them thanking me for the presentation.

Kiran was very kind to order 50 copies of Remember the Ice and Other Paradigm Shifts as gifts for his guests.  You can probably imagine the smile I had when I received the news of that order.

This humble message of empowering word choice is now in 34 countries and I have been blessed with so many new connections around the world.

Just before I went to Kuala Lumpur in May '08 I was introduced to the website:  www.ecademy.com During the past 24 months over 12,500 contacts have been initiated.  Several of them have been nurtured and have reached a strong friendship level.  Business strategy and branding expertise has developed and grown as a direct result of several of the fellow Ecademy members I have met during my travels.

In fact, my wonderful European Tour for Remember the Ice (Ice Chips #13 to #17 -  May and June 2009) was the direct result of meeting a fellow BlackStar member on the Ecademy website.  Many heartfelt thank you to Cornelis de Maijer, Freddy Daems, Erwin de Laat, Tina Jonasen, Liz Chukwu, Marieme Jamme, Richard White, Chantal Cooke, Paul Clegg, Thomas and Penny Power, Andrea Lahj, Christophe Poizat, Helder Falcao, and Victor Marques for your gracious hospitality and warm embrace for this sojourner from Alaska.

"There is Power in the Clarity of Your Articulation." This message has grown to include a new version:  "There is Power in the Congruency of your Networking."

Thank you to all of my BNI and Ecademy friends around the world for demonstrating a Givers Gain philosophy.  I am humbled and blessed to know you.

Thank you readers for sharing my musings.......

Have an empowering week,

Bob

Ice Chip #64

What if we all focused on this three foot circle...?

"The Next Right Thing" is the title of Chapter 9 in Remember the Ice and Other Paradigm Shifts.  This week's Ice Chip will focus on something that is a global situation.

Last week I shared my 60th birthday celebration that included my trip to my Alma Mater, for the Soccer Team's anniversary.  It was an incredible trip.

I would like to share a powerful manifestation of the spirit of the title of Chapter 9.  After finishing a meeting with several of the soccer players, my best friend Hank and I joined Buck Smith, President of the College for a walk back to his offices.

On the way, he paused 4-5 times to pick up small pieces of litter on the grounds.  "I do it hoping students will see that even the President of the College is willing to pick up litter.  Maybe it will inspire them to do the same."  A simple yet profound gesture.

An example of doing "The Next Right Thing".

For the past 42 years the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce has organized a week long "City Wide Clean-Up" that annually collects thousands of pounds of trash that has cropped up during the previous 51 weeks.  Another example of doing "The Next Right Thing".

On this past weekend, Nancy and I went for a walk around our neighborhood.  I was amazed at the trash that was on the sidewalk, street, parking lots, and bushes as we walked.  We both picked up quite a bit of trash.

I began thinking about the intention and behavior necessary to create this "mess" we clean up each year.  This led me to another point we touched on in last week's Ice Chip: QL=QQ.

Quality of your Life is equal to the Quality of your Questions.

So I began to wonder....

"What is the purpose of creating trash?" 
"Why do people just drop their drink cups from fast food restaurants on the street?" 
"Why do smokers just flick their cigarette butts out the window instead of in the ashtray?"

"How easy would it be to just hang on to these items and deposit them in the right place?"

"How about a new three foot rule.... if you see trash within three feet, pick it up, and throw it away properly."

Let's just do "The Next Right Thing".

We know it is an easy thing to do.  Just keep beautifying the next three feet around you.....

Just do it!  (With thanks to Nike)

Have an empowering week,

Bob

Ice Chip #63

Almost Heaven.....

....West Virginia!!!

Remember that John Denver classic?

Let's talk for a moment about memories.  Memories are having the mental capacity or faculty of retaining and reviving facts, events, impressions, etc., or of recalling or recognizing previous experiences.  They are a mental impression retained.

The question is what is the retained impression, and how are you communicating with yourself about it?

For me, Almost Heaven.... West Virginia holds a very special place.  This past week I celebrated my 60^th year.  It began with a nice dinner with my bride, Nancy, continued with a trip to Chicago to visit my college soccer teammate Hank, a trip to the hallowed grounds of Wrigley Field (Cubbies lost 13-5 - still it was a fantastic visit to an iconic ball field); then a great weekend in Elkins, West Virginia to celebrate 50 years of Soccer at Davis & Elkins College - and our 40^th anniversary of our 1970 National Championship Soccer Team.

Touring the rejuvenated campus brought back a tsunami of memories.  The gifts received during those days from September of '68 to June of '72 were broad in scope.  Soaking in the sites and letting the memories have free reign was a cathartic experience.  What a shower of remembrances.  I smiled then, and am smiling now as I write this.

Thinking about how important our self talk is, and how important our word choice is; I began to think about how one uses memories.

It is fairly easy to think about great memories and speak eloquently about them as you smile inside.

What about the memories of challenges, heartaches, and sadness?  What do you do with those?  If there is a lingering pain, a grudge, a heartache or just a lousy feeling left over; what about shifting the paradigm and creating a re-framed set of new thoughts about your experience.

Too often we engage in a stream of "(K)notty Word consciousness" when recalling some of our difficult times.  Most of the time there is a heck-of-a-lot-of "Shoulding" going on.  "I should have known better."  "I should have done that."  "I should have done a better job."  "I should have helped out."  (Any of these sound familiar?)  In addition, there are the formidable "(K)notty Word" phrases as well....

And now for something completely different...

Since Remember the Ice is about empowering word choice and Paradigm Shifts.....

What if you asked yourself a couple of empowering questions...about those challenging times?  (based on using the Re-Framing Five:  Do, Can, Will, Would, Could)

What have I learned about myself?  How do I know it?

How can I demonstrate this new understanding?

How will I take my new insights and use them?

What would be my next step based on my new insights?

How could others see the changes I have made?

In an earlier Ice Chip (#29) the content focused on the following formula:  QL=QQ. Make sure to revisit this one for some insights into the power of questions.  Remember, the Quality of your Life is equal to the Quality of your Questions.

So when it comes to memories take a step forward and consider some empowering alternatives when appropriate.

As Bob Hope would croon, "Thanks for the memories...."

And a very special thank you to Buck Smith, President of Davis & Elkins College, and his lovely bride, Joni; for a delightful visit.  The campus of my beloved school has truly shifted its paradigm, and you two are at the core.  God Bless you both.

Have an empowering week,

Bob