Ice Chip #118

This week's Ice Chip focuses on a powerful and useful communication tool that most have access to:  Our Hands.  Have a look at this concept that was developed by Bandler and Grinder.

Precision Model:  Excerpt from Unlimited Power by Anthony Robbins, pages 221-223.

“Much of our language is nothing more than wild generalization and assumption.  That sort of lazy language can suck the guts out of real communication. If people tell you with precision what specifically is bothering them, and if you can find out what they want instead, you can deal with it. If they use vague phrases and generalizations, you’re just lost in their mental fog. The key to effective communication is to break through that fog, to become a fluff-buster.”

The precision model is a guide to overcoming some of the most common pitfalls in language. By using your fingers and thumbs, you can qualify people’s distortions, deletions, and generalizations while still maintaining a rapport with them.

The right hand is used as “trigger words” commonly used in conversation. The left hand is used as a “better question” tool to help you eradicate the distortion and/or generalization in the conversation.

And because of the respectfully elegant manner in which you use the questioning, you are able to maintain a high level of rapport.

This precision model could also be known as a model of specificity. In Remember the Ice, we talk about QL=QQ. The Quality of your Life is Equal to the Quality of your Questions.

By asking better questions you are cutting through the fluff and gaining better, more specific information from the person you are conversing with. This is especially effective as a personal tool—pertaining to one’s self talk.

Trace your hands on opposite sides of the same sheet of paper and put the wording as displayed.

Take a few moments to memorize the diagram.

Take your hands one at a time, and move them up and to the left of your eyes so that your eyes are in the position to best visually store this information.  Look at your fingers one at a time, and say the words over and over again.  Then go to the next finger and the next until you’ve memorized one hand.

Then do the same for the other.  Repeat this process with all your fingers, looking at the phrase and fixing it clearly in your mind.  After you’ve done that, see if you can look at any finger and immediately think of the word or phrase at the end of it.  Work on memorizing the chart until the associations are automatic.

Let’s start with the pinkies.  On the right hand, you have the word “universals.”  On the left, the words, “all, every, never.”  Universals are fine—when they are true.  If you say that every person needs oxygen or all teachers in your son’s school have graduated from college, you’re just conveying facts.  However more often, universals are a way of soaring into the fluff zone. You see a bunch of noisy kids on the street and you say, “Kids today have no manners.” One of your employees messes up and you say, “I don’t know why I pay these people. They never work.”

In both cases—and for much of the time we use universals—we’ve gone from a limited truth to a general untruth.  Maybe those kids were noisy, yet are all kids are ill-mannered?  No.  Maybe a particular employee seems incompetent, yet all the time?  No.

 

So the next time you hear a generalization like that, simply go to the precision model.  Repeat the statement, emphasizing the universal qualifier.

The questions associated with the left hand act as qualifiers for the words represented by the right hand.  Use the questions to help you eliminate fluff.

QL=QQ   The Quality of Life is Equal to the Quality of your Questions.

Ice Chip #117

Remember the Ice is about eradicating "(K)notty Words" from your vocabulary and your thought process altogether.

"Wait a minute," you say, "you mean get rid of them completely?!?  Like forever?!?"

"Yes!!"

I am asking you to make a complete transformation in the way you speak, write and think.  Begin to make the shift from using "Not, Don't, Can't, Won't, Wouldn't, Couldn't, Shouldn't, But, Try, Should," and move toward using the Re-Framing Five:  Do, Can, Will, Would, Could.   Achieving this takes great discipline and the knowledge you may   feel "uncomfortable or out-of-sorts" as you work with making the changes in your word choice.

That tug-of-war you are experiencing is Cognitive-Emotive Dissonance.  It is that integral step in the Re-Education Process.

In teaching this, I often use the example of driving a vehicle in a country where you would be required to drive on the "other" side of the road.

This would indeed feel strange and take some diligent effort to drive safely in your new environment.

Here is another way to experience Cognitive-Emotive Dissonance: Imagine being without the use of your dominant arm for 24 hours.  Take an ace bandage and wrap your arm to your body.  And realize that you will need to perform your tasks without it.

You are aware of the change in your mind, however your body is slow to react.  You "know" you have no access to your dominant arm, however you may catch yourself reacting to pick things up with your now "phantom" arm.  You catch yourself moving your shoulder toward picking up your cup of coffee, only to realize you will need to switch to your other hand.

If you kept this up for a week or two, you would adjust and begin to respond appropriately to your new situation.  (Okay, so writing an essay longhand may take a bit more time.)  The point is you can make the shift.  You just need to be diligent with the task.

So have a go at it.  Would love to read about your experiences.

Empowering Regards,

Bob

 

Ice Chip #116

Our children are very astute at picking up on direction and suggestion in written and spoken messages.

Last week I was at my polling place for local elections.  It was in an elementary school in Eagle River, AK.  As I walked out, I saw a display by some 2nd graders posted on a bulletin board.  The focus was on being a good citizen and specifically showing respect when others are talking.

 

There were two directive messages centered on the board with water-colored hand prints all around them.  Here is the first message:

 

Great message.  Teaching them to learn manners and respect.

 

Now, here is the second message that was right under this one:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first part of this directive message was very appropriate.  The very common behavior of believing one must "wax on" about what we would like someone to do, often leads to using "(K)notty Words" and then the message gets confusing.

 

First they were told that waiting for their turn to speak showed Awesome Citizenship.

 

Then there was permission to interrupt and speak while others are speaking.

 

Too bad.  The message started out in such a promising manner.

 

 

 

Raise your awareness and watch for examples.  AND  Think how you would re-frame the message.

 

Sometimes, less is more.

 

Empowering Regards,

Ice Chip #115

Millions of people read hundreds of comic strips in newspapers around the world.  The Born Loser created by Art and Chip Sansom had a classic example of a “(K)notty Word” in Action.

Here is the dialog from that strip:

Chief, I want you to know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you!

Say no more, Thornapple--I already know….after all, that’s exactly what you’ve been doing for me for years!

What a great demonstration of the articulatory confusion that occurs with a not attached to a host word like “would”.

Chief, I want you to know there is nothing I would do for you!

The response from Chief:  Thank you so much for that acknowledgment, because that is what you have done for me—NOTHING!

I know it is just a cartoon script, yet you hear word usage like this in conversations you hear daily.

Raise your awareness and listen for examples.  AND  Think how you would re-frame the message.

Empowering Regards,

Bob